Nearly all the ills in life spring from the simple source,
that we are not able to sit still in a room.
Pascal
I’m currently writing an article on life as a precarious worker. Hitting at this topic from two sides — as an adjunct academic and writer — I feel like I have some perspective to share.
Though the truth is that there are dangers that come with this kind of writing. For the deep thinking that comes with crafting such a piece leaves me no choice but to reflect. (Direct quote from a current BEd student I’m teaching: “I’m reflected to death at the mo!”) And with reflection comes big feelings. And then fatigue. Or, in my case, both at the same time.
Thus, in a fit of procrastination, I ended up down a serious TikTok rabbit hole, looking for just the right video that might communicate my thoughts on this form of precarity. A video to sum up how fully Blaise Pascal’s quote hits home. Because precarious work is the opposite of sitting still.
The truth is that at 45 I know myself well enough to name that I am not great at sitting still in any room, let alone at this very specific time in my life where I’m working to get multiple projects off the ground and teach and write and make and parent and wife…
My mind is always buzzing.
Borrowing from author Jeanette Winterson (whose impacting work I have written about here), I live with a nest’s worth of thought wasps at any given time. Albeit, it’s a relatively organized nest with compartments for all of the waspy thoughts, logistical and philosophical alike. But they do buzz.
Incessantly.
I ended up coming across this video about people harmonizing with microwaves.
The video stitches different accounts who all harmonize with kitchen appliances. I was drawn to it because for me it speaks to the isolation of creating and then sitting alone with my thoughts. One of the video comments reads, “night shifts be like.” My husband shrugs, “Accurate” remembering his dark nights alone spent working as a security guard. In such spaces inanimate objects are humanized, brought to life in the wee hours of supposed stillness with their owner. The one who has wandered to the kitchen for a late night snack, desperately trying to make something out of nothing.
And for me there is very little stillness in all that nothingness. So that’s why I like this video. I like that the intensity of 3am thoughts are interrupted, brought together in harmony with precarious others doing the creative work that is life.
That’s my prayer anyway as I get ready to submit this chapter. That my words will be received in harmony with other late night creative buzzings.
As
writes,I think if I started praying…
I’d put a matchbox in my prayer
so I could make a fire and if
God didn’t hear the prayer
at least he’d see the smoke.
Here’s to failed attempts at stillness.
To God-directed smoke signals and microwave symphonies.
Thanks for this, Natalie. This one hit different. I am sending all the smoke signals!! (Good luck with your piece and with finding stillness.)
Ah there is so much that resonates in this one. My heart strings were vibrating.
The thought wasps . . . love !
The reflecting/reflexing - I'm on course 9 now and so close to the end, but still I feel that, overflowing with reflective thoughts so that it feels like my spirit is made of mirrors.