Paper Chaser

Learning my limits in the pursuit of grant $$

Grant writing is a b*tch.

There. I said it.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

It was frustrating in graduate school, it remains challenging in academia…and in the arts?? It’s the worst!

Early this year my son’s grade four teacher announced his intention to write a grant to bring more tech into the classroom. I was both impressed and gutted. Impressed by his willingness to put himself out there and gutted for him (and the kids) knowing that his energy will be co-opted for a certain length of time by that very vulnerable process of asking for money in what can feel like sisyphean efforts to make the classroom more accessible. (I already wrote about the very real potential of his getting a NO here).

Photo by Vicky Sim on Unsplash

I’m not trying to be a downer. What I am striving to be is realistic with the expectations I set for myself and others when it comes to the funding of good works. Doing good in the world costs money and money is not often accessible to the doing of good. And yet the doing must be done!

So we get creative and write grants. (The cycle continues!)

Photo by Bit Cloud on Unsplash

Paper chasing, as Rihanna puts it, is part of living life in our capitalist landscape. I’m not new to this reality at 45, but the philosopher-writer in me does (often!) grapple with this truth as if it’s the very first time!

So, I’m looking for a new anthem of sorts. A poem or song or mantra to look to in my ongoing efforts to stay above the fray. To remain generous when a scarcity mindset can too easily set in. To live with open hands and a soft heart when “lessons learned” suggest that such assets will not pay the bills.

Here’s what I’ve got so far. If you’ve got any to add please drop them in the comments. I’m all ears!

1. This line from “Black Nikes” by Harryette Mullen:

We've lived quietly among the stars, knowing money isn't what matters. We only bring enough to tip the shuttle driver when we hitch a ride aboard a trailblazer of light. This comet could scour the planet. Make it sparkle like a fresh toilet swirling with blue.

2. This line from The Chameleons’ song Paper Tigers. These guys were writing at the height of Thatcher so they know a little something about being hit hard by “trickle down economics.”

Too much and it makes me crazy
Not enough and it makes me lazy
Too much makes me lazy
Not enough and it makes me crazy

3. This quote from author Cormac McCarthy. He died this past summer and left us with this nugget of wisdom to strive for:

"Everything's interesting," McCarthy says. "I don't think I've been bored in 50 years. I've forgotten what it was like."

I really like that reframing. Beyond the tyranny of the grant I need to focus my attention on teaching and learning all that is truly interesting:

Philosophical thinking. Art. Writing.

The good.